Volcano About to Erupt

I miss nights going to the casino with my Mom. She is gone, and my father is so sick now, I know he might not make it through the year of 2025. 

David is mentally ill, and it is a draining most days to suffer through his illness knowing he is unwilling to help himself. It is taxing emotionally to be with someone so unwell. It is more frustrating asking everyone in the system for help, and no one extends help unless I do so in a criminal matter. I am not going to give him a record because he is sick. The mental health system here needs to do better. 

My Dad is a lot to take care of and I am fighting with David because he wants to put him in a home. It won't happen. I won't do it. He belongs here, with his family. David is just so mentally ill he wants to control and to isolate me, and it is a hardship trying to maintain balance and grip. David is the only one that helps me with my father, and I'm not sure if I could do it alone. I need to be able to take the kids places and I cannot leave Dad alone... if David is not here to watch him, our children would lose out on school functions. 

I am exhausted as a caretaker knowing it is just me to stand tall, and I must for my children. However, I feel like cracked porcelain glued together on the verge of collapse.

My mother is gone, my niece is gone, my two brothers are gone, my Dad and husband are ill, my brother Al is too far away and consumed with his own life to help, and my brother Johnny is equally preoccupied. I have no community and endless appointments/stress.

My children have half day absences that have added up due to appointments and the school district puts pressure on me. I DO NOT HAVE ANYONE THAT CAN HELP OUT AND PICK THEM UP AFTER SCHOOL, SO THEY HAVE TO MISS HOURS HERE AND THERE.

My Dad lit himself on fire, my nephew broke my door in while intoxicated, my Dad's truck was smashed into while parked, Veteran's court is full of force to stay perfect, and my son is so exhausted that he has to attend so many doctors appointments that he threw himself on the ground and then when I told him that I would pull him by his ear if he didn't straighten up, an old catty high-school aquantiance posted on Facebook that I should do better. MY SON THROWS FITS BECAUSE HE IS COMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO DO SO, BECAUSE HE NEVER GOT SPANKED.

 Okay, I feel better. Rant over.