I am so negative lately and cannot shake it. I feel like there is a dark cloud looming over me pointing out the negative in every situation. I have no chance. I cannot control the flowing thoughts of cup half empty syndrome. What's a girl to do?

I am at a point in my life that I have chased many people away by my drinking and non-caring attitude. At least, this is what I feel the distance is, it might be something else. 

Yes, I have been drinking a lot. Yes, I am blunter when drunk. Yes, my id is constantly running the show. No. givNo, I do not care your thoughts on the subject. 

I have full awareness over my body and the destruction I am giving into every time I binge drink, every five days or so. So no, you don't need to tell me Kar-en. I get it. But guess what? Fuck you. Shove your soberity back into that pot you are calling black. I am done.

All you bitches can eat my mother fucking ass. I'm an adult and will do as I please. 

Now, with backstory and banter given, I must confess I am at the upper end of social when drinking. I feel I must drink to have a good time out. This is a coping mechanism that I could just subsitute with my panic pills. But I get drunk by myself and write. I enjoy the peace and creativity. I enjoy having the words simply flow from my fingertips.

 

I can write sober, but I always come up with something better I could be doing with my time as cleaning, laundry, straightening, sweeping, packing, cleaning the car, the garage, and whatever else presents itself in the meanwhile. I let myself get sidetracked, as long as the end goal is a cleaner house. A clean house provides a cleaner mental ease.